Mom Squad: Mothers and SonsPosted: Updated:
My favorite aspect of my relationship with my boys is knowing their soft sides, and our deep level of honesty. They know that they can talk openly with me about anything.
I have learned that boys need to calm down physically before they are capable of talking through their feelings. I have learned that they can relax and have more relaxed conversations when their bellies are full. I have learned that they open up most right before bedtime or when throwing a ball together outside.
I am helping them to grow into respectful caring men by teaching them empathy and manners. Manners are a sign of respect and decency, and the first steps to becoming a gentleman. My boys have held the door for me for as long as they can remember, because it needs to be second nature for them to automatically do it for a young lady.
Empathy is so important because it is lacking in the world that is supposed to define boys with bombardment of media, wars, sexuality, constant texting.....these young men need to learn to put themselves in the shoes of another in order to be kind hearted givers and to lead loving and compassionate lives.
My goal as they mature into relationships is to make sure that I am a loving and welcoming mother in law, so that I can maintain good relationships with them as the years go by.
What is your favorite aspect of your relationship with your sons?
I have so many. But, if I had to narrow it down my favorite would be that I love that they are constantly forcing me to grow and go beyond my comfort zone physically and mentally.
What have you learned works best when communicating with boys?
Oh My! This changes by kid, by day...lol. Most importantly I have learned that my boys respond best if they feel like I am understanding where they are coming from. So first, if possible I take the time to listen to them and their point of view. Then I explain where I am coming from. Also, you need to know what your son's "currency" is...what really motivates him.
How are you helping them grow into respectful, caring men…especially towards women and future girlfriends?
Well, I would love to take all the credit. But honestly, I truly feel that my boys learn the majority of their respect, caring, and how to treat a women from watching their father and how he treats me, as well as, how their grandfather treats their grandmother and how their uncles treat their wives. I'm blessed to be surrounded by amazing men in my family that treat their women like queens. Now, there are little things I do like teaching about holding the door open for women. I'm always saying things like "when you are a husband don't forget to...."
They are protective and value my input in their lives. Goal setting and using my life as an example. No bossiness, or dictatorship. I give him books to read about building good relationship and set standards on how I want to be treated.