Mom Squad: Parenting Adult Children

Posted: Updated:

From Marti:

How did your relationship with your kids change as they grew into young adults?  What was the biggest challenge for you?

For me the biggest change was their NOT needing me as much.  The biggest challenge was realizing they didn't.  I wasn't asked for my advice as much and some times that hurt??? They were making their own decisions or asking someone else. 

It is very hard for me to realize that "The Gavel Has Been passed."  My example is one evening after working at our church my daughter, her husband and I went out to dinner.  The waiter came up to us and asked us what we wanted to drink. My daughter, who by nature is VERY easy going, answed, "I'll have a water and she will too", of course looking at me.  I was stunned.  After he left I looked at her and said, "Am I not capable of making my own decisions"?  She then said to me, "Well isn't that what you would have ordered"?  My comment was, "Yes, but I really could do it myself."  We have laugh about it now but at the time I felt "old".


What about serious relationships or marriages?  How did the dynamic change as your family grew?

We have a bi-racial marriage in our family. My challenge was not wearing it one my shirt-sleeve.  We really love this young man and they have a very fine marriage which is wonderful and I am very pleased.  The actual challenge was when I talked to others about them, I am not sure when or if need to say something about it being bi-racial???  I have a tendency to say too much. 


How did things change when they had kids and you became a grandmother?

The grandparent thing is hipped up and it should be hipped up even further!!!!  It is a time to be so thankful for the grandchildren.   

I do not like to be by myself at night and since my husband passed away my 17 year old granddaughter comes to stay with me many times at night.  I am further away from her school so she has to get up earlier and is just as cheerful as you would like her to be.I love having her and it relieves me of fears when she is there. 

We have 9 grandchildren so of course my week-ends and lot of my week-nights are filled to the max with games, plus everything else that grand kids do and I try very hard to go to as many as I can.  

We are a hugging family and some times the grandchildren do NOT feel like hugging.I think this frustrates the parents and they feel obligated to apology.  I try very hard to assure them that at times "I" don't fell like hugging either.