Red Riding Hood: this movie bites!

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Red Riding Hoodcaptures 0 Red Vines for simply awful

I really wanted to like “Red Riding Hood.”  Even from a short trailer, one could see the comparisons to “Twilight” but I thought at least this movie has real actors so how bad can it be?  Like a babe, one wearing a red hooded cape, in the woods, I was about to find out. 

From the meager threads of a child’s fairytale, “Red Riding Hood” weaves a love story between a medieval village girl and her childhood friend, an orphaned woodcutter.  The relationship is, of course forbidden because she, Valerie, has been betrothed to the wealthy blacksmith’s son.  But hey that’s all just teen angst.  The real drama lies with the wolf who has stalked the village for decades.  For as long as she can remember, the villagers have been leaving their prize livestock out during the full moon as a sort of trade off for their safety.  Then one day in an apparent deal breaker, Valerie’s own sister is slaughtered by the wolf.

The village men rally, determined to seek out the animal and destroy it once and for all.  The town’s spiritual leader, Father Auguste begs them not to do so and to wait until the arrival of Solomon, a righteous man with a successful track record of dealing with such a beast.  But much to everyone’s surprise, Solomon reveals that they are not being plagued by an ordinary wolf but a werewolf and that the beast does not live in a cave but amongst them because it is one of them.

That’s the plot of “Red Riding Hood.”  But the movie is nothing more than a paint by numbers attempt to remake “Twilight.”  The comparisons are so embarrassingly obvious down to the girl torn between two lovers (is one of them the wolf?!), one with hair that looks painfully similar to Rob Pattinson’s.  Hey it even boasts having the same director, Catherine Hardwicke.  And Valerie’s father is played by Billy Burke, the same actor who plays Bella’s father.  The movie also seems to suffer from the same bad production or rather no production values as the “Twilight” franchise, down to the pathetic wolf CGI. None of these are good things.

I did not think it was possible for any movie to make “Twilight” look good.  The sad part is that when all was said and done, the best part of “Red Riding Hood” was the story.  Not the script or the dialogue mind you, all that was as terrible as the execution, but the actual story was kind of intriguing.  It could have been a fairly tasty little morsel but the mess served up in “Red Riding Hood” prompted more laughs than even a single scare. 

And just how much money do Gary Oldman and Julie Christie owe Leonardo DiCaprio?!
Leo is listed as one of the movie’s producers and I can only think he must have blackmailed these quality thespians to be in this stink fest.  What a shame.

A preview of this movie was provided to me by the studio but it in no way effects my unbiased review.