Best Life: Finding your sexuality in the new year

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Improving your sex life


PHOENIX - When you start a new year, losing weight and getting a new job is on a lot of people's lists, but there's another thing some want to change, but don't necessarily talk about and that's improving their sex life.

"My husband is full of personality and a very happy person," Valora Mattison said.

"I liked her because she liked to get her hair wet" Curt Mattison said.

Valora and Curt Mattison are still very much love, even after 23 years of marriage, but admit they work at it all the time.

"Don't get me wrong, we don't have this picture perfect marriage," Valora said.

They believe the recipe for a good marriage is communication, which they say makes for a very healthy relationship in the bedroom.

"You have to let each other know what is important," she said. "We weren't born with a sex manual in our hands and you have to communicate that's a huge part of your relationship."

But not everyone has what Valora and Curt have.

Certified sex therapist Michele Clarkson said communication is just one way to spice up your sex life.

"What I say to couples is go back and look at what first attracted you to one another," Clarkson said. "Reconnect around that and see whether or not we can encourage that to grow."

Clarkson suggests scheduling date nights and when you do go out, dress up for the occasion.

"In other words maybe wear something fun underneath your outfit," she said. "Maybe she has some fun lingerie or he has a special shirt that she gave him. With that anticipation of looking forward to seeing your partner and knowing that's the juiciness you two share."

Clarkson also recommends couples flirt a little.

"I sometimes encourage women and men to sit close to each other on the couch when your watching a movie, hold hands maybe have her sit in his lap and when you do that there's a little bit of affection," Clarkson said.

She also said no matter how busy life gets, whether it's your job or family, there's no reason you can't find time for intimacy.

"I think it's a matter of giving ourselves permission and also saying you know what this is a priority for me," Clarkson said.

As for Valora and Curt their just proof after 23 years of marriage that it can still be good.

"We love each other very deeply and I think it's constant communication when it comes to your love life, sex life and everything," Valora said.

"Make it like it's a date night all the time," Curt said.

For more information you can contact Michele Clarkson MSW, LCSW, AASECT Sex Therapist at 480-600-1518 or