Mom Squad - "Letting Go & Letting Your Kids Make Their Own Mistakes"
1. Kumari, my son that attends ASU, decided that in his last two years in high school, he would live with his dad. Life was a bit different at Dads, but for his good. I thought it would be a good idea to let him go, and to determine if he thought it would be a good idea. There were days he had second thoughts, but I encouraged him to stick it out. It proved to be a good decesion.
2. My daughter would often be forgetful with her house key, assuming that we would be there when she arrived. One day she arrived, and I was not home. She had to sit outside in the heat, she was not happy but she remembered her key after that.
I have struggled with letting go during each of the stages with my boys. I try to prepare them, teach them about actions and consequences, and empower them with the tools they need to make good choices. I want them to be confident, with the high self esteem they need to stand out in a crowd and the knowledge that they are unconditionally loved if they do make a mistake. What I strive to do is maintain healthy dialogue with them. If they feel safe enough to discuss their mistakes, then they are more apt to maximize the learning that can come as a result. We typically process with questions like: What could have been done differently? What do you think would have been a better choice if you could do it over again? How are you feeling? How can I support you in this? I realize that they will make mistakes and each mistake can provide an opportunity for learning and growth. I just want them to be safe physically and emotionally as they make those mistakes. If I prepare them physically and emotionally to the best of my ability, then my hope and prayer is that they are resilient enough to learn and grow after making their mistakes. There is a quote that we've discussed in our house: A player learns far more from a loss than from a win. I believe it to be true, though like most parents, I wish I could take the heartache and pain away from them and protect them for the rest of their lives.